Foxtrot. Uniform. Charlie. Kilo.

people who get married after like a year of being together

how

why

tsarcasm:

sometimes you can just tell that the person you’re talking to on the phone is fat

like just from their breathing you know their BMI is definitely >30

rachxcakes:

How to Pick Your Right Girl

nevver:

• She is attractive, of course, but is that her chief asset? (Try to imagine her ten years from today.)
• Do you want her because she is popular–because other men have wanted her? (Don’t be a copy-cat!)
• Could you spend seven consecutive evenings in her company without being bored? (If the answer is affirmative, it is a good sign.)
• Do you have similar tastes in most things?
• Is she a good sport?
• Is she reasonably healthy?
• Is she a flirt? Does she make you jealous? (Decide whether you can stand the strain; your jealously will persist until you grow indifferent.)
• Are you constantly irritated by some small mannerism of hers? (You can’t be terribly in love.)
• Does she tell lies? Do you mind?
• Is she a nag?
• Is she quarrelsome? (The Bible warns, “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than with a brawling woman in a wide house.”)
• Is she hard on other people? (Don’t judge by her behavior to you.)
• Is she trying to reform you? How do you feel about being reformed?
• Has she tried to boss you? (Maybe you need a boss.)
• Would she put up with all your faults if she knew them?
• When you quarrel, who capitulates first? (A combination of two stubborn mules is bad.)
• Do you agree on children, or a career, or both? (Better settle this beforehand.)
• Does she expect you to support her in a definite style? Could you count on her cooperation in hard times? Would she go to work if necessary?
• Will she help you get ahead? Or will she pull you away from your work?
• Can she handle money?
• If you marry her, will you also be marrying her family?
• Does she let you get around to see your old pals? (If you have been too infatuated to notice, make it a point of finding out.)
• Are you proud to present her to your friends? (If not, reconsider.)
• Do you hope to reform her? (Give up the idea. People change, but not according to plan.)
• Do you know her faults? Are you willing to live with them?
• Do you still think her perfect? (You’re wrong, of course, but marry!)

basedtodd:

i watched somebody get carded for some cinnamon today

the cashier bitch was like yea i gotta see your i.d. cause kids are getting high off cinnamon and putting it on the internet 

when people type in caps at me I imagine they are shouting in my face.

TYPING AT ME LIKE THIS MAKES ME FEEL BAD.

Its my birthday today. (21st)

Where the fuck are my presents you sons of bitches.

sorryexcuseforasociallife:

Of the many new rap acts, I consider Azealia Banks uniquely talented. Here’s why:

Her understanding of rhythm.
In “212,” Banks doesn’t just rap over the beat, but in it, engaging in a dialogue with the music, asserting different vocal tempos and timing according to its shifts and dips. The recent “Fuck Up the Fun” has her again showcasing her rhythmical savviness.

Her understanding of rhyme and sound.
“Grand Scam” proves her unrivaled inventiveness with rhyme. In “Liquorice,” such lines as “Your fantasy could get that pitch black/‘Cause it’s gon’ ‘rupt when ya slip in betwixt that black snatch./Ya like blizzack-ker cat, ema-nem-manating where ya mizzat-mustache at?/Huh, I bet ya been extra gassed, bet ya really wanna touch up on the molasses ass,” further affirm this.

She’s clever.
Spitting lines like “He wanna tickle my fancy,/And just go downtown like Delancey” and “Together we’re more dimes than two bucks,/These niggas be up in the hood like Ku Klux”; and making such snotty and aggressive affirmations as “You know what ya bitch become with her weave in,” and “Don’t fuck with ya bitch when there’s rum in the punch,” Banks displays the most most admired, it seems, skill in hip-hop today: she can crack jokes.

I know these are skills most rappers show in some degree, but I consider Banks superior in these areas. She treats rapping as it should be treated—as a linguistic gymnastics where the lyrics interact with and engage the beat.

tsarcasm:

but seriously

how does anyone sit and listen to rick santorum talk and think to themselves, “my god, this man is right. for too long, the general population has had the right to control their own lives and make their own decisions. well, no more!”